i think priests would make for good erotica. they are forbidden fruit. i mean, not you, specifically, but i think just in general if a priest hooked up with something nefarious and dark like a villain or a monster or a vampire, it would be really hot. not you, obviously. i know that's not your scene.
if you bar me from using the term sexcellent, man oh man will i ever come up with worse things! like bonetastic, which is like bombastic not fantastic so the pun still works. or... unpenislievable. hey? i regret this
anyway i just feel guilty because i'm a bad person and i lie all the time and if anyone likes me it's because they think i'm really energetic and cool when i'm actually not at all. i try so hard to act fun and cool so that people will like me, even though i am neither fun nor cool. also i don't really deserve love. i mean i let my parents die. i know we went back and saved them but i let my parents die. aaaaand so. y'know.
i don't wanna talk about my dead dead parents when i wanna talk about holding hands and makin' boners. TEACH ME ABOUT CONDOMS.
odin, you have a vast and troubling imagination. please do not call priests 'forbidden fruit.' what you read or imagine in the safety of your thoughts and privacy is between you and God. and He is forgiving. though going to mass wouldn't hurt.
i also regret it, but i have moved on. we must accept the suffering fate bestows us.
odin, what punishment will be enough for you, for these crimes you believe you have committed? your many friends who went through the same, would you condemn them for 'letting their parents die?'
so you don't know what they are. very well. i think it's important you learn about safe sex. generally the church believes in abstinence, and not to waste the seed of life in such a way. personally i believe we must walk our own paths, and being prepared for any turn it takes is the closest to peace we can achieve. now, as i was saying, condoms are a barrier made of a plastic-like material, which is placed on the erect penis, covering it like a glove. it's used to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, though it is not 100% safe. still, it is far, far safer than unprotected sex.
this is important, odin. if you're going to possibly pursue an active sexual lifestyle you owe it to yourself and your partner to do so safely. there are other methods other than condoms but we will focus on those for now.
O, LADY OF THE NIGHT, I BESEECH THEE/THOU/THOUMST/YE'MST: ABSOLVE THYSELF FROM THOUMST'STS THRONE AND GRANT ME IN THIS MOMENT BUT A SLIVER OF YOUR POWER SO THAT I MIGHT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE WITH THIS CONVERSATION
ok. i have been given blessings by the night lady. she said stop talking to odin about penis tents, please. she also said please remember that this is odin you are talking to, and that even if he thinks sex would be wicked sweet, he is a stupid shy man who can't, again, even hold a hand. this is unnecessary information, not only because odin is shy and doesn't want to hear it, but because by nature of odin's general personality, it just it aint happenin the sex
odin, it is my duty as your friend and comrade to make sure you are prepared. i am sure you did not believe you would be experiencing your first kiss, yet here we are, discussing it.
now, if you prefer i can send you pamphlets, but the important thing is to know how to put on the 'penis tent,' as you put it. i'll leave you to figure out size, as i have no interest in the road that discussion will take us, but the rest of the information is simple enough.
[here he's linked a bunch of colorful videos of friendly sex ed teachers putting condoms on a banana. you're welcome, i did not have it in me to ask deca if dio had a fucking condom and a banana around.]
do you understand? pinching the tip of the condom is the key.
[ okay well odin is still in the middle of a halloween party right now, so i guess he's just watching loud sex-ed videos on peter's lawn with other guests mulling around, presumably overhearing it or at least noticing odin staring very intently at his screen. that's good ]
to be fair my first kiss was kind of sprung on me. i don't think i'm going to experience that spontaneity ever again, let alone in such an advanced and sexy way. there is no hot dude or breasty lady just waiting to corner me in the bar so they may whip out their dongs and/or other attachments right all up in my face with a cheeky wink and a "hey, how about it." this temple will remain unsullied, even if not by choice. and there is literally no other circumstance in which i will ever bone down, because i am a gutless baby.
BY THE WAY, I HAVE A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE DONG. THREE HUNDRED FEET LONG. tell everyone, please.
oh, right, we were talking about that. okay, well, first, that question about my friends - i lost my parents in a way that was directly my fault, but other people didn't, so comparatively it is very different.
and i just think i'm not a lovable person. i wish i had a better explanation. i don't know if it's something you can argue out of me or something i can stop myself from thinking because it really just is what it is. like, okay, here's how it works: back in ylisse, when i lost everyone, i tried very hard to act heroic and big and cool, because if i didn't i would die, and if i was a coward i didn't deserve to be alive let alone be a prince, and if i didn't get my shit in order my country and my people and my world would all fall. but then the heroing was done, so when i had an opportunity to reinvent myself, i fell back on being melodramatic and heroic and stuff but in like a different way. because it's fun! i have a lot of fun with it, and i like expressing myself by being stylish and funny. but. even though i tell myself it makes people happy or makes them laugh i don't think it does half the time. i think it is just an annoying front to a lot of people and even when i can see myself doing something annoying, i don't stop because i'm having fun and being myself and maybe still capable of making whomever i'm annoying be happy. because i am clowning around and stuff. but like every night i just look at everything i said and did and i just get sort of embarrassed. like i used to be embarrassed basically 100% of the time and now it's more like 30% but that's still a lot of time to be embarrassed and dislike the person who you are.
i don't know IF I'M MAKING SENSE PUCCI! I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT CHOKING MY PENIS WITH PLASTIC! IT'S SO WEIRD! WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT! I'D RATHER JUST USE A SPELL
i cannot speak for others. i cannot speak for whatever doubts plague your thoughts at night. i can say you have made my life better for your role in it, and that is a truth you and your nightly doubts cannot deny. by being who you are you have done good, and so, in my eyes, you are good.
sometimes, perhaps, you must simply learn to accept this is where you are. you are not in a fair world, where your parents survived, where war did not ravage your home, where you never needed to reinvent who you were. this is the path you found yourself on, the fate, some would say, you endured. but you have endured it, and you are here. when these doubts plague you perhaps remember that. you are here, you have survived, a terrible war or an embarrassing conversation. the person you are, that you have fun being, is who is here. is who persists. you've done well. find peace in that.
do not use a spell. if you do, use a condom as well. it is the wrong size if you are 'choking' your penis. please do not make me type that word again, odin.
i wish i could do more for you though. i'm happy to have made a difference in your life but i wish i could do more. i know things are hard for you and you've got a lot to deal with, like this new girl who wants to beat you up and your sticky milk friend who was rude to me about my feelings. and also, the religion doubt. but i think you are good too. look at you, talking to me about my feelings and my boners. it is a lovely experience.
thank you for all of this dumb talk stuff pucci i know i just repeat myself and dwell on the same insecurities over and over again but it means a lot that you're willing to hear me out on them all i think you are right in that i need to just accept things and roll with everything and stop second guessing who i am but βκ°ΫΰΌαΰΌΌΰΌΫββκ±β
ok i am sorry. i will no longer talk about choking. let's fell the second emotional demon now wha's HER deal
i appreciate all of that, odin, though i ask you not call him my 'sticky milk friend.' my Stand is fine. remember your wish to do more, for me and others in your life, and let it keep moving forward. you cannot if you languish in doubt and shame.
feel free to speak to me again if you need to, even if you believe it repetition, i would be glad to help.
and yes, hermes costello. i was wondering when i would be questioned about her. you are the first to do so. she is a prisoner where i work, brought in for robbery. i would ask you be careful with her, as she and her friends were potentially involved with a murder in the prison. that said i do not believe she will harm you, i do not get the sense she enjoys senseless violence. she is a very troubled young woman with a very difficult life, from what i know of it. we have not met, in my time, so there's little else i can say. my suggestion would be kindness and patience. do you have any specific questions, odin?
sorry (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ) im very bad (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ) im bad (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ) i wont do it again (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ) sorry (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ) i meant to say sticky milk stand. i know you arent friends.
well, i am asking about her first because we are best friends. and i know i said my other friend was my best friend, but it turns out all the people i love are my best friends. but. okay. she seemed very angry with you. she told me not to talk to you, or to trust you with my secrets. i don't really know how to feel about it. i mean, i believe in you and i trust you more than a stranger who just showed up and started yelling about you, but she was funny and interesting and she slapped her hand on her face and i did it too and it made us bond. kindness and patience are things i'm good at, so that's okay. wait, that's a lie, i'm good at kindness, patience blows.
have you ever touched a snake, odin? my Stand feels as they do. not 'sticky milk.'
i want to help her, so in a way i suppose i do. random chance, circumstance, has destroyed the life she once had. i empathize. more, i want her to find peace in knowing somethings simply are. that is the way of fate, and humanity's scope within it. i believe all mankind should attain happiness like that.
she may not listen, but perhaps her coming here was fate as well. regardless, i hope this answers your question.
and, as for your confused feelings, do what you believe is best, odin. if you are unsure then befriend her. i encourage this. i believe she could use it, and perhaps you will come to an answer about how you feel.
oh, yeah. i know. and, i mean, i touched him, too, so i know that already. but he reminds me a lot of the risen and it is easier for me to talk about him if i make light of him. if i wasn't SUPER DRUNK i would wax poetic about his rad snake body and stop being a big big dumb dumb baby, but. it turns out fate has had different plans. so crows the cock.
well, i'm only confused in that i just don't really understand why she's so angry. i guess you don't either? i think that's what i'm getting from this conversation. i have some pretty unshakeable faith in you, so i want to defend you against her, but i don't know. i don't want to cause any trouble. i, odin dark, will extend the branch of friendship towards her and see where things go. but also sorry you have this going on.
oh, there is a halloween party going on, and i am here for it. it is cool, except that i am not wearing many clothes & people have commented on it like three times. which is fine and fun, but you know. i drank from a pumpkin. i have never been drinking before. it is a weird experience, to be so thusly intoxicated by the devil's nectar. i am not a good catholic, and you should excommunicate me from this religion that i am not even apart of.
i still want to date real bad. pucci. are any of your hot forbidden fruit priest friends single?
odin, i would like you to do me a favor and get yourself a glass of water. also drink that water. try, if you continue to imbibe in this fire water, to have a glass of normal water inbetween.
it is not customary for priests to play matchmaker, odin. also, given your recent excitement with your first kiss, perhaps you should focus on that situation before throwing yourself into the treacherous waters of dating. thirdly, we talked about the forbidden fruit comment, odin. it would be better to not only refrain from calling priests this, but also potential romantic partners.
fourthly, even if i were to take this duty on, i am unaware of your sexual leanings in terms of gender and, frankly, am frightened to open this topic. have you had the water yet?
i can make water from my hands. or ice, at least. i could shoot ice down my throat!!!!! it would be quicker than drinking, but i guess also potentially fatal because my magic is all like destructive or whatever. hmm. hmm
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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i mean, not you, specifically,
but i think just in general if a priest hooked up with something nefarious and dark like a villain or a monster or a vampire, it would be really hot.
not you, obviously.
i know that's not your scene.
if you bar me from using the term sexcellent, man oh man will i ever come up with worse things!
like bonetastic, which is like bombastic not fantastic so the pun still works. or... unpenislievable.
hey? i regret this
anyway i just feel guilty because i'm a bad person and i lie all the time and if anyone likes me it's because they think i'm really energetic and cool when i'm actually not at all.
i try so hard to act fun and cool so that people will like me, even though i am neither fun nor cool.
also i don't really deserve love. i mean i let my parents die.
i know we went back and saved them but i let my parents die.
aaaaand so.
y'know.
i don't wanna talk about my dead dead parents when i wanna talk about holding hands and makin' boners.
TEACH ME ABOUT CONDOMS.
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what you read or imagine in the safety of your thoughts and privacy is between you and God.
and He is forgiving.
though going to mass wouldn't hurt.
i also regret it, but i have moved on.
we must accept the suffering fate bestows us.
odin, what punishment will be enough for you, for these crimes you believe you have committed?
your many friends who went through the same, would you condemn them for 'letting their parents die?'
so you don't know what they are. very well.
i think it's important you learn about safe sex. generally the church believes in abstinence, and not to waste the seed of life in such a way.
personally i believe we must walk our own paths, and being prepared for any turn it takes is the closest to peace we can achieve.
now, as i was saying, condoms are a barrier made of a plastic-like material, which is placed on the erect penis, covering it like a glove.
it's used to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, though it is not 100% safe. still, it is far, far safer than unprotected sex.
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there are other methods other than condoms but we will focus on those for now.
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ok. i have been given blessings by the night lady.
she said stop talking to odin about penis tents, please.
she also said please remember that this is odin you are talking to, and that even if he thinks sex would be wicked sweet, he is a stupid shy man who can't, again, even hold a hand.
this is unnecessary information, not only because odin is shy and doesn't want to hear it, but because by nature of odin's general personality, it just
it aint happenin
the sex
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i am sure you did not believe you would be experiencing your first kiss, yet here we are, discussing it.
now, if you prefer i can send you pamphlets, but the important thing is to know how to put on the 'penis tent,' as you put it.
i'll leave you to figure out size, as i have no interest in the road that discussion will take us, but the rest of the information is simple enough.
[here he's linked a bunch of colorful videos of friendly sex ed teachers putting condoms on a banana. you're welcome, i did not have it in me to ask deca if dio had a fucking condom and a banana around.]
do you understand? pinching the tip of the condom is the key.
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to be fair my first kiss was kind of sprung on me.
i don't think i'm going to experience that spontaneity ever again, let alone in such an advanced and sexy way.
there is no hot dude or breasty lady just waiting to corner me in the bar so they may whip out their dongs and/or other attachments right all up in my face with a cheeky wink and a "hey, how about it."
this temple will remain unsullied, even if not by choice.
and there is literally no other circumstance in which i will ever bone down, because i am a gutless baby.
BY THE WAY, I HAVE A HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE DONG. THREE HUNDRED FEET LONG.
tell everyone, please.
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do you understand how to use a condom even if you do not believe it will be necessary?
once that is settled we can talk more of this emotion 3.
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i don't know what to do with the banana though?
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understood
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why do you believe you are inherently unlovable?
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okay, well, first, that question about my friends -
i lost my parents in a way that was directly my fault, but other people didn't, so comparatively it is very different.
and i just think i'm not a lovable person. i wish i had a better explanation.
i don't know if it's something you can argue out of me or something i can stop myself from thinking because it really just is what it is.
like, okay, here's how it works:
back in ylisse, when i lost everyone, i tried very hard to act heroic and big and cool, because if i didn't i would die, and if i was a coward i didn't deserve to be alive let alone be a prince, and if i didn't get my shit in order my country and my people and my world would all fall.
but then the heroing was done, so when i had an opportunity to reinvent myself, i fell back on being melodramatic and heroic and stuff but in like a different way.
because it's fun! i have a lot of fun with it, and i like expressing myself by being stylish and funny.
but.
even though i tell myself it makes people happy or makes them laugh i don't think it does half the time.
i think it is just an annoying front to a lot of people and even when i can see myself doing something annoying, i don't stop because i'm having fun and being myself and maybe still capable of making whomever i'm annoying be happy. because i am clowning around and stuff.
but like every night i just look at everything i said and did and i just get sort of embarrassed.
like i used to be embarrassed basically 100% of the time and now it's more like 30% but that's still a lot of time to be embarrassed and dislike the person who you are.
i don't know IF I'M MAKING SENSE PUCCI! I'M STILL THINKING ABOUT CHOKING MY PENIS WITH PLASTIC! IT'S SO WEIRD! WHY DO PEOPLE DO THAT! I'D RATHER JUST USE A SPELL
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i can say you have made my life better for your role in it, and that is a truth you and your nightly doubts cannot deny.
by being who you are you have done good, and so, in my eyes, you are good.
sometimes, perhaps, you must simply learn to accept this is where you are.
you are not in a fair world, where your parents survived, where war did not ravage your home, where you never needed to reinvent who you were. this is the path you found yourself on, the fate, some would say, you endured.
but you have endured it, and you are here. when these doubts plague you perhaps remember that.
you are here, you have survived, a terrible war or an embarrassing conversation. the person you are, that you have fun being, is who is here. is who persists.
you've done well. find peace in that.
do not use a spell.
if you do, use a condom as well.
it is the wrong size if you are 'choking' your penis.
please do not make me type that word again, odin.
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i'm happy to have made a difference in your life but i wish i could do more.
i know things are hard for you and you've got a lot to deal with, like this new girl who wants to beat you up and your sticky milk friend who was rude to me about my feelings.
and also, the religion doubt.
but i think you are good too.
look at you, talking to me about my feelings and my boners. it is a lovely experience.
thank you for all of this dumb talk stuff pucci
i know i just repeat myself and dwell on the same insecurities over and over again but it means a lot that you're willing to hear me out on them all
i think you are right in that i need to just accept things and roll with everything and stop second guessing who i am
but
βκ°ΫΰΌαΰΌΌΰΌΫββκ±β
ok i am sorry.
i will no longer talk about choking.
let's fell the second emotional demon now
wha's HER deal
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my Stand is fine.
remember your wish to do more, for me and others in your life, and let it keep moving forward.
you cannot if you languish in doubt and shame.
feel free to speak to me again if you need to, even if you believe it repetition, i would be glad to help.
and yes, hermes costello. i was wondering when i would be questioned about her. you are the first to do so.
she is a prisoner where i work, brought in for robbery. i would ask you be careful with her, as she and her friends were potentially involved with a murder in the prison.
that said i do not believe she will harm you, i do not get the sense she enjoys senseless violence. she is a very troubled young woman with a very difficult life, from what i know of it.
we have not met, in my time, so there's little else i can say. my suggestion would be kindness and patience.
do you have any specific questions, odin?
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im very bad (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ)
im bad (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ)
i wont do it again (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ)
sorry (Β΄ΰΌΰΊΆΫΰΌΰΊΆ)
i meant to say sticky milk stand.
i know you arent friends.
well, i am asking about her first because we are best friends.
and i know i said my other friend was my best friend, but it turns out all the people i love are my best friends.
but.
okay.
she seemed very angry with you.
she told me not to talk to you, or to trust you with my secrets.
i don't really know how to feel about it.
i mean, i believe in you and i trust you more than a stranger who just showed up and started yelling about you,
but she was funny and interesting and she slapped her hand on her face and i did it too and it made us bond.
kindness and patience are things i'm good at, so that's okay. wait, that's a lie, i'm good at kindness, patience blows.
are you going to try to be her friend?
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my Stand feels as they do.
not 'sticky milk.'
i want to help her, so in a way i suppose i do.
random chance, circumstance, has destroyed the life she once had. i empathize.
more, i want her to find peace in knowing somethings simply are. that is the way of fate, and humanity's scope within it.
i believe all mankind should attain happiness like that.
she may not listen, but perhaps her coming here was fate as well.
regardless, i hope this answers your question.
and, as for your confused feelings, do what you believe is best, odin.
if you are unsure then befriend her. i encourage this.
i believe she could use it, and perhaps you will come to an answer about how you feel.
no subject
and, i mean, i touched him, too, so i know that already.
but he reminds me a lot of the risen and it is easier for me to talk about him if i make light of him.
if i wasn't SUPER DRUNK i would wax poetic about his rad snake body and stop being a big big dumb dumb baby, but.
it turns out fate has had different plans.
so crows the cock.
well, i'm only confused in that i just don't really understand why she's so angry.
i guess you don't either? i think that's what i'm getting from this conversation.
i have some pretty unshakeable faith in you, so i want to defend you against her, but i don't know.
i don't want to cause any trouble.
i, odin dark, will extend the branch of friendship towards her and see where things go.
but also sorry you have this going on.
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i am sorry he upset you so thoroughly, odin.
as i am not from her time i don't know for certain, no.
we have not met face to face in my time.
i wish you luck in your endeavors here.
but more importantly, why are you 'super drunk?'
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it is cool, except that i am not wearing many clothes & people have commented on it like three times.
which is fine and fun, but you know.
i drank from a pumpkin.
i have never been drinking before.
it is a weird experience, to be so thusly intoxicated by the devil's nectar.
i am not a good catholic, and you should excommunicate me from this religion that i am not even apart of.
i still want to date real bad.
pucci.
are any of your hot forbidden fruit priest friends single?
no subject
try, if you continue to imbibe in this fire water, to have a glass of normal water inbetween.
it is not customary for priests to play matchmaker, odin.
also, given your recent excitement with your first kiss, perhaps you should focus on that situation before throwing yourself into the treacherous waters of dating.
thirdly, we talked about the forbidden fruit comment, odin.
it would be better to not only refrain from calling priests this, but also potential romantic partners.
fourthly, even if i were to take this duty on, i am unaware of your sexual leanings in terms of gender and, frankly, am frightened to open this topic.
have you had the water yet?
1/2
i could shoot ice down my throat!!!!!
it would be quicker than drinking, but i guess also potentially fatal because my magic is all like destructive or whatever.
hmm. hmm
brb
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